Born on a Tuesday during an eclipse, I uttered my first words at 4 months old—it was a complaint. A former world champion in wet sock tossing, I quit everything to tame Parisian pigeons before retraining as a consultant for struggling unicorns. Three continents crossed on a Segway, a novel co-written with a bilingual parrot, and a Nobel Prize withdrawn for reasons I still cannot disclose. Today, I live between Paris, the metaverse, and my local IKEA. In search of the meaning of life—or a good croissant