B.E.TRAYING

Blair Embezzle — felonious healthcare executive, reformed prison cleaning lady, and accidental icon of institutional hygiene.
 

Blair Embezzle built MediCrown Synergistics Unlimited Plus™ into an eleven-year empire of spectacular audacity — upcoding routine checkups as experimental neurosurgery, billing Medicare for procedures performed on patients who were, at the time, in entirely different states, and diagnosing a statistically implausible number of otherwise healthy people with a condition Blair's own compliance team privately referred to as "conveniently reimbursable." The walls of Blair's corner office were lined with awards. The floors were lined with the people Blair stepped on to get them. Whistleblowers were reassigned. Auditors were charmed. Colleagues were smiled at warmly and then absolutely gutted in the next budget meeting. Blair Emery was, by every available metric, B.E.-TRAYING everyone within a thirty-mile radius at all times.

Then the floor came for Blair. Former colleagues, underpaid billing clerks, one very motivated CPA, and a paralegal named Donna who had been waiting four years for this moment lined up with receipts so organized they had a table of contents. The trial lasted eleven days. The sentencing lasted eleven minutes. And somewhere in the long quiet middle of a federal correctional facility, armed with a mop, a bucket, and absolutely nowhere to be, Blair Emery discovered something that eleven years of executive leadership never offered — the uncomplicated satisfaction of a genuinely clean floor.

This figurine and its accompanying story are entirely fictional. Any resemblance to actual executives, actual billing departments, actual yachts, or actual Donnas is purely coincidental and frankly would be quite the coincidence. Print Blair. Give Blair a mop. Write your own ending — maybe yours is funnier than mine. Ciao. 🫶