The Dutch Keyring

Orange Pride on Your Keyring

Now, I know what you're thinking. A keychain. Magnificent. Truly, humanity has peaked.

But before you wander off to do something less interesting — which, let's be honest, is basically anything else — let me explain why this particular keychain is, in fact, a work of near-genius.

The Netherlands are going to the World Cup. Yes, again. And apparently, waving a flag from a moving car while honking aggressively wasn't quite enough of a statement anymore. So someone — a visionary, clearly — decided what the world really needed was a small piece of 3D-printed plastic to dangle off your house keys.

And so the design process began. Not one design. Not two. Six. Six versions, each one a carefully considered combination of orange, white, and black; the holy trinity of Dutch football aesthetics.

Version 01: 

White outline, orange shield, white lion. Clean, bright, and cheerful. Like a sunny day in Amsterdam, if Amsterdam ever had sunny days.

Version 02: 

Black outline, orange shield, black lion. Sharp, punchy, and high contrast. The lion is dark but the orange absolutely roars. Brilliant.

Version 03: 

Black outline, black shield, orange lion. Dramatic. Brooding. The orange lion leaping out of pure darkness like it's personally offended by the opposition. Magnificent.

Version 04: 

Orange outline, black shield, orange lion. Bold and unapologetic; orange on black, maximum aggression, minimum subtlety. Exactly right.

Version 05: 

Orange outline, white shield, orange lion. Light, fresh, and elegant. A clear nod to the away kit. Refined without being boring, which is harder than it sounds.

Version 06: 

Orange outline, orange shield, white lion. The full orange experience. Committed. Passionate. Possibly slightly overwhelming. Absolutely perfect.

Six versions. All available. All featuring that same proud, regal Dutch lion, staring into the middle distance as if it already knows it's going to be a penalty shootout but has decided to remain optimistic anyway.

There is, in short, a version for every type of Dutch football fan. The optimist, the dramatist, the minimalist, the maximalist, and everyone in between.

And every single time you pick up your keys to go literally anywhere, it delivers one quiet message to the Dutch squad:

Please. For once. Just win the thing.