The Revolutionaries' Toilet Paper Tissue Box

The Great Tissue Conspiracy: A “Tissue” Box for the Enlightened

Let’s get one thing straight: you’ve been lied to. Hoodwinked. Utterly bamboozled by Big Tissue™. They have convinced you that dainty, over-packaged, mark-up-laden “facial tissues” are the only way to gently pat your pweshus widdle nose. Do you know what those tissues really are? Toilet paper with delusions of grandeur.

That’s where this bourgeoisie-defying toilet paper tissue box comes in. The the tissue box of the revolution. The Revolutionaries' Tissue Box.

Since You’ve Been Conditioned to Think This is Weird, Here's How This Works

Instead of throwing your hard-earned money at absurdly expensive paper squares wrapped in three layers of corporate deceit, this box lets you use what you should have been using all along: toilet paper. 

That’s right—take basically any standard roll of toilet paper, rip out that inner cardboard core (a step that may initially feel wrong after years of capitalist brainwashing, but don't worry, you'll acclimate much faster than a trust fund baby having to make their own latte), and pull the tissue from the center and feed it through the opening in the lid.

Then, just use the twist-to-lock lid to close things up. No need to pointlessly deal with some fussy threaded nonsense that expects the precision of a Swiss watchmaker. You have better things to do—and so do I—like breaking free from the shackles of corporate tissue propaganda.

The rich and powerful have played their sleight of hand so long, this all probably seems utterly baffling, so here, I made you a video.

That's it. No fuss, no wasteful cardboard-plastic-hybrid box with that stupid little plasticky mouth. Just the pure, uncut efficiency of the proletariat’s hygiene paper of choice.

The Three Lid Variants: Choose What Works for You (updated)

There are two lid options. Both feature a cross-shaped opening to guide the tissue through the top, but each has a slightly different approach:

• The Classic Lid – This version has a smooth, rounded opening. It allows tissue to be pulled out easily while minimizing the risk of tearing before you’re ready. Best for standard toilet paper or those who prefer a clean pull every time.

• The Experimental Lid – This version adds jagged edges along the cross pattern to help tear off sheets more easily. It's ideal for tougher or more durable toilet paper but it might snag more frequently. Choose this if you don’t mind a little extra friction in exchange for easier tearing. 

• The Closed Lid - Yeah, it's just a box now. You can store all sorts of things in it, like the ashes of burned manifestos, perhaps lists of comrades turncoats who crossed the picket line and are now dead to you. Snacks maybe?

A demonstration of how boxes work!

So you printed 6 styles before you found the perfect one to keep your toilet paper, but now you have five that you want to use for something. I got you. The new Closed Lid does just that! See this, tissue industry? This is what true innovation looks like. Less, not more.

Twenty-Two Styles to Suit Your Revolutionary Aesthetic

Pick a version that speaks to your anti-establishment heart:

Impressionist Wood Grain – A modern style wood grain inspired pattern with exaggerated lines and depth, reminiscent of a master painter’s take on nature’s own texture. Organic, untamed, and unapologetic.

Realistic Wood Grain – A more realistically detailed bark-like surface. It has a more rugged, organic appearance, almost like the section of a thick branch. 

Fire – A dynamic, twisting pattern that mimics the flickering tongues of flame, because nothing complements a good rebellion like a playful little nod to arson.

Sand Dunes – Smooth, flowing ridges that build up toward the top of the box, bringing to mind wind-swept patterns of desert dunes—and a perpetual reminder of what we can look forward to our planet looking like if we don't do something about the billionaires and oil barons.

Cracked Concrete – Deep, fractured textures that resemble an aged, crumbling concrete surface, not unlike the public infrastructure corporate greed tries to prevent us from addressing. 

Ancient Civilization – A blend of carved, interlocking geometric patterns inspired by the stonework of long-lost cultures. 

Swirls – A rich, dense, looping design that evokes baroque flourishes, intricate floral motifs, and the chaos of a world too complex for mass-market uniformity. 

Modern Triangles – Sharp, asymmetric facets arranged in random, fractured sequence, much like societies growing distrust for humanity's public institutions. 

Bamboo – Vertical, textured stalks running up the sides, mimicking the natural segments of bamboo. A subtle nod to sustainable materials, minus the corporate greenwashing. Hey, even the proletariat should get to have a little hypocrisy, as a treat. 

Runes - Encourage wealth, invite healing and invoke protection with a box inspired by Nordic runes, carved into ancient chiseled stone. Style suggested by an imaginative MakerWorld user.

Gears - Like the gears of an economy grinding to a halt under the hoarding greed of a handful of unimaginably rich people, these gears go nowhere and do nothing. But they sure do look cool. Suggested by an imaginative MakerWorld user.

Floral Vines - Imagine the world if we pulled it from the claws of corporate executives and gave it back to nature. Suggested by user HEC. 

Paisley - It might remind you of the doilies your grandmother used while your grandfather was bringing home enough money to feed the family while working at a convenience store. Suggested by user HEC.

Topography - This style box, suggested by @duds1219, features smooth, continuous lines inspired by topographical relief maps. This is perfect to keep you constantly reminded of the high ground you will need to keep if you plan to win the war against the big facial tissue cabal bent on wasting your money. 

The Frickin' Moon - Holy sh*t tranquility, we are on the f**king moon. Suggested by user @Railgunner, The Frickin' Moon features a real reproduction of the moon's surface wrapped 360 degrees around a world-changing rejection of corporate manipulation.

Honeycombs - Suggested by @KelQ, Honeycombs reminds us that the trust fund babies of tissue paper royalty are no match for the super-organism of enlightened humanity.

Butterflies - Suggested by user @brandywine72, who found that not only do these boxes serve as a repudiation of the ruling elite's decadent and pointless excess, they also fit yarn cakes perfectly and serve as a convenient dispenser for yarn when knitting. Plus, something something about enlightenment emerging like a butterfly from the chrysalis of consumerist bondage.

Dragon Scales - Suggested by user @Butterlyflitter. Imagine you have slain the dragon hoarding the people's gold and made its scaly hide into the box that stores your multi-purpose sanitary facial tissue. A fitting end to a covetous beast.

Impressionist Waves - Suggested by user @jazionk. Loosely inspired by the woodblock wave pattern. The rising tide lifts our ships, and sinks their coastal mansions.

Oval Leaves - A little nod to the forest we’ll all end up living in once late-stage capitalism finally collapses.

Stone Fill - Rough, uneven, and unyielding. Like the economic system that led you here.

Studded Leather - Nothing says “down with the system” like upholstering your toilet paper in faux luxury.

Diamonds  - Modern geometric design.

Bumps - For those who do not suffer from trypophobia, and have a taste for simple modern design.

Why This Is Objectively Superior to Conventional Tissues

• It’s Ridiculously Cheaper*
  You could be spending FIVE TIMES LESS on tissue paper. That’s right. The money you save could go toward something useful, like funding your local anarchist bookstore, buying milk to treat tear gas burns, or finally buying that 3D printer upgrade.
• It Produces 1/12th the Packaging Waste*
  The tissue industry wraps its overpriced nonsense in layer upon layer of glossy, plastic-lined, single-use landfill stuffing. Toilet paper? One humble paper wrapper you could be saving to up-cycle into anti-anti-riot gear.

• You Only Use What You Need
  Sometimes you need one sheet. Sometimes you need a dozen. Conventional tissues want you to play by their  arbitrary rules. Toilet paper? True freedom. 

  

*Back of the napkin math. Whatever. Do your own research.

Instructions (It's easy, don't let them keep you stupid)

1. Print a box style you like. Each profile has two plates, a standard size for typical toilet paper (about 130mm), and a fat size for those fancy rolls (about 150mm).
2. Print a lid style you like. Choose a profile for the Classic Lid or the Experimental Lid. This isn't rocket science.
3. Remove the core from a roll of toilet paper. Tear that baby out.
4. Insert the roll into the box. Use your hands, or your feet. I'm not here to tell you what to do.
5. Feed the paper from the center of the roll through the hole in the lid.
6. Twist the lid to lock it in place. Can you feel it, the winds of change?
7. Now stop wasting money on tissues.

Got a Style in Mind?

It took me a while to come up with a workflow to make these, but I got pretty good at doing it quickly. If you have a new style in mind, let me know and I'll try to put it together for you pronto.

Your Toilet Paper Doesn't Fit?

Are you sure you're in the right place, Mr. or Mrs. Fancy Pants? Give me the measurements for your preferred brand of toilet paper and I'll add a profile for a resized version for you. Also, the profiles for the individual styles each have two plates, a standard size and a fat size that's about 20% wider.

The Other Themes & Styles

Santa's Secret Cost-Saving Toilet Paper Tissue Box

Four new winter/Christmas themed styles great for the holidays, or any time of year if you're weird.  (Link)

The Ghoul’s Toilet Paper Tissue Box (Halloween Themes)

A set of 10 additional Halloween-themed styles designed for the spooky season. (Link)

The Job Site Toilet Paper Protector (Great for Gifting) 

Tool-brand–inspired boxes designed to protect precious toilet paper on the job site. Themes include Ryobi, DeWalt, Milwaukee, and more. These make excellent gifts for tradespeople. (Link)

Did you like it, or discover atrophied anti-captialist resolve while reading this description?